O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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