Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
