I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
