apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
