I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
