he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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