You can't special order awesome
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
