So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
