Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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