no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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