is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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