i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
