I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
