quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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