I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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