I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting head from an anaconda
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize