We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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