When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
