you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
