I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
