And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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