I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
