Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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