allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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