There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
