My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
