Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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