mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
