I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
