mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
