Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
