Your face is a jimmy john
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
