So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
