I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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