What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
