So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
