If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
