So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
