so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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