Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
