His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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