I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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