dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
