When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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