It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
