I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
