And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
