I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
