As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
