Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
