Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
