He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
