I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
