Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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