that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
