That's intense
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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