I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
