i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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