How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
