She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
