Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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