I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
