I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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