Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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