Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
