So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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