Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
