BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
