Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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