Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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