He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
