he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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