Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
