her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize