There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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