he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So many bounce houses so little time
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
