this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
