What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
