you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
