you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
