I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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