i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize