sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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