U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
