wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All the doctor said was why
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
