So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
