I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
