yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
